A LETTER TO MY PARENTS

Dear Mom and Dad,

Before you get all judgmental and weepy please hear me out.   I am seriously considering changing my name to Brutus.  This is my life!  I’ve secretly been sneaking out at night and having my friends call me Brutus.  It is weird to some of them but most of them are accepting.  I finally feel alive.  This is the way I’ve always felt but was never able to realize what it was that I needed.  I’ve been a Brutus trapped inside a Jonathan my whole life.  I’m having my bank checks changed and I have already submitted the forms.  They should arrive next week.  I went to the DMV to tell them that the name on my license is no longer valid.  They told me to stand in line and watch the big lights and numbers board.  I know I would not have been treated that way if my name were Brutus.  I have to do this.  I’ll be stronger like this.  I’m getting a tattoo of an anchor.  If you want you can also call me Bluto.  But never again will I be strapped down by my slave name.

Sincerely,