A LETTER TO A TELEVISION EXECUTIVE

Dear Television Executive,

I have an idea for a new TV show called “The Walkers.”  I call it “The Walkers” because it centers around a family who has no car.  They have to “walk” everywhere.  They live in a small town that is inhabited by snapping turtles and falling concrete slabs.  In one episode Lil’ Timmy Walker is smothered by a giant concrete wall that falls from a cloud.  The family walks him to the hospital where he stays for the rest of the series.  They make visits to him whenever they can but he is soon forgotten.  Except for the very special Christmas episode when they bring him a plate of cake.   The father, Hack Walker always wears tight suit pants with a vest.  He surely hates his wife’s cooking.  “I can’t stands this beef!”  That’s what he always says.  Mrs. Walker, the wife, is played by an actual grizzly bear.  Her name is Bear Walker.  She never talks and often uncontrollably breaks out of character and runs around the perimeter of the set.  She’s a runner that one.  I’ll tell ya.  The laps she takes…  One episode she tries to claw her way outside of the house.  She tears away at the back wall of the studio and runs to freedom.  It’s often not in the script but I do encourage the actors to go with it.  The youngest daughter, Helen is played by a man dressed as a girl.  He was originally trying out for another part but a mop fell on his head during his read through and I immediately knew that he was our Helen.    I’d like to send you the copy of the pilot.  It is an introduction to all of the characters.  Many of them wear helmets.  In it you will see a family housekeeper named Baines.  He will not be in any future episodes do to an unfortunate misunderstanding on the set.  Bear must have thought the script said to open claw punch him all over his body until he stopped moving and then to run out of the back of the studio while frothing.  You’re going to love the pilot.  The Walkers walk to the mall to buy some new windows.  We don’t meet my favorite character until the fourth episode entitled “Who’s Bleeding?”  He’s played by me and his name is Evan.  Evan is the family doctor.  They go to him because he is the only one in walking distance.  I have presented the pilot to many studios.  I hope you will have the same artistic vision as me or I will be forced to rethink this. 

Sincerely, 

Jon